So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
