forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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