real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
