Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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