I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
