I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
