i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize