I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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