new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
