I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
