I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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