I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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