Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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