speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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