I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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