im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
