Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
