it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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