As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
