Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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