dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thus making me awesome and them whores
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
