there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
