We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
