Say something about gay babies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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