So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
