He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
