I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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