I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
