someone get that fucking seahorse.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I forget how to act sober
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
