Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize