dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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