Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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