I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
