yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
