The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize