she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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