she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
