you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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