you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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