im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
