We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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