I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
