Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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