how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
