Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize