Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
