Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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