If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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