Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
