Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
