Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
