Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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