i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
