I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
