We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
