2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
