I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
