If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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