I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
