I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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