oh god the rape fog is back!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
