yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
