I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
