I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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