I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
