i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
